Dreams and Theme Music

I was just chatting with a friend about those moments in our lives when we're pursuing - or even living - our dreams, but we feel like frauds.

During grad school, I felt as if I were a fraud the entire time. I was just waiting for someone to discover that I had no idea what I was doing and then, in a very stern voice, ask me to leave. I cried most days.
And then I started to work on my thesis. I holed myself up in the radio lab and spent weeks working all night, sometimes even taking naps on the floor, using my coat as a pillow. I had somehow remembered that even if I hadn't gone to a big-named undergrad, or I didn't have the same newspaper background as my classmates, or I hadn't published a book, I still loved to work and give storytelling my best shot.
Eventually, I realized that maybe I wasn't a fraud as much as I was just a work-in-progress.

Same goes for my never-ending journey to define myself as a writer. I spend my days writing, thinking about writing, reading about writing, and still. I can't help but think I'm a fraud.

And then there was my friend, who is busily working at all hours of the day as an interior decorator, her lifelong dream. She dresses like a decorator - fashionably draped in fine cloths and textures with a touch of something fun, like an unexpected colorful broach. She talks like a designer, seeing the world through its visual beauties. She easily points out the details that make a room, a person, or even a joke special. And yet, as she finds herself swimming in stores surrounded by thousands of fabrics, she's not so sure if she's got it all together.

Yesterday, she received a little bit of validation after a visit with her old college professor, who's - of course - impressed with her work. Here's a little bit of something she just shared with me:
"I really needed that step back from my life which I tend to get overwhelmed and stressed and insecure about, and to realize that I actually am doing what I want to be doing. And that I am pretty successful. I don't think I knew that about myself. Lately I tend to feel like I am failing."

Oh!!! How glorious is that?! She is such a success already! Yet, she's in the midst of those trying, delicate moments when we are wanting - so badly - to be great at something. We are trying so hard, that all we can see are the mistakes!
Don't we all do that? We make so many mistakes along the way, that we somehow think, "I'm no good at this at all."

We are all taking our journeys up the mountain. And with each step closer to the top we think, "how much longer is it??" Sometimes we feel all like Sisyphus, pushing that boulder up only to fall back down to the bottom. We stand, yet again, at the bottom of the mountain and look up wondering, "Can I do this?"

Sure. There is much to be said for people who really aren't good at certain things. There are times we need to reassess, accept defeat and disappointment, and take our lessons to move on. Those moments are humbling and beautiful.

But there are also the times when we are working so hard to keep fulfilling our lives that we forget about all the work that's already been behind us. And all the potential that remains ahead of us.

Are you in the midst of something great, but there is so much ahead of you that you feel overwhelmed by the remaining part of the journey?

Here was my fleeting advice to my dear, successful friend:
"Sometimes i feel like my "love story" is super lame and that I'm super lame. "There are days we all feel that way. Okay, let's be honest... there are MONTHS we all feel that way. But nah. You're doing so well. You're living your dream! You just kinda forget that you are because you don't hear all the theme music."

How easy to forget! As we are living our dreams today, let's turn up the inspiring theme music in our minds and remember where we are really standing.

A Whole Lotta Love. But How Much Life?

What's your priority these days? Are you living your life the way you want?

Sometimes I feel like I go to bed every night and all I can think about is how I'm not of any use or being as useful/efficient/helpful/hard-working as I need to be. Hmmm... actually, I'm pretty sure that's how I feel every night.

So I'm starting to think about all those beautiful sayings that tell you how to live the life you want:

"Be the change you want to see" - Ghandi

"We become what we want to be by consistently being what we want to become each day." - Hugh B. Brown

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” - Albert Einstein

"One Day at a Time" - A.A.

"I yam what I yam" - Popeye

How do you live your life? Is it in line with how you want to live your life?
I once had a bishop who would tell us, "How you're living your life today will help you predict what your life will look like six months from now." I thought that was smart.

I guess this means I need to get moving so I can start going to bed at night without so many regrets...

Do You NaNo???

I love November. For a million reasons.

I love the Fall and everything about it. The crisp air. The beautiful trees. The feeling of change whipping through my heart. It's wonderful. Every November I feel as if I'm falling in love. The whole month.

This month I'm stepping things up a bit. This month I'll actually get outside and work out. This month I will finish this darned draft. And this month I will be more grateful. Would you like to join me?

November is National Novel Writing Month. The challenge is to write 50,000 before midnight, December 1st. If you feel like writing with the thousands of other people who have signed up, find me online and we can be cheerleaders for one another. (I'm a great cheerleader!!! Go! Go!!!)

Also, this November I would like to focus on gratitude. A few years ago, a group of my friends emailed each other once a week. We all listed what we were grateful for and it was inspiring. I'm spending this month in gratitude mode. Gratitude is one of the strongest tools we can use when we're looking to improve our relationships. Once a week, let's think of what we're most grateful for. I'm going to post a little something on my 31 Dates site. Every week, I'm looking for little posts of things you're grateful for. We'll call it... Thursday Thanks. Or something like that. (You know I love me some good alliteration.)

Life is good. And can be even better if we allow ourselves to see it that way.