I have no idea why, but I contacted an old boyfriend the other day. He's the "one true love who smashed my heart into nothingness" guy. Oh yes, now you recall of whom I speak...
It was very interesting. He kept popping into my head for some reason over the past couple weeks, so I decided to write him an email.
It comes at a good time for me. For the past two or three years, I've been working on why I've been attracted to certain men. I was welcoming in unnecessary energy from these people; I always picked men I knew I would never marry or would never allow myself to truly fall in love with. Now, after allowing myself a long sabbatical, I suppose I am now taking some sort of action. Contacting him was a big step for me. He moved on with his life long ago. I moved on from him, but not from the destruction from our relationship.
If it weren't he, it would have been someone else. We all seem to have them at one point: the one who really makes us realize what love truly is. Sometimes we stick with those people, and others we harness that love and tend to resent it when it ends.
I'm grateful for my journey. I wonder if my contacting him serves as a beginning, an ending, or just another chapter in my healing process. I just know it's different somehow than how things have been in the past. I don't feel pain, or envy, or anger, or fear. I just feel refreshed and ready to move on to my next step. I guess that's what healing our wounds - no matter how long it takes - is really about.