Ok class.
We're going PG-13 today. Some of you might need a parental consent form signed before taking this course in Interpersonal Theory and Implementation.
If you've had any sort of conversation with me over the last 20-30 years, then you know I'm all about philosophy and theory. And most of all, I love talking about relationships. Not just dating -- although that's been my forte for a couple decades and that's what we're focusing on today. So here are some theories (given with proper accredidation) that I think you'll enjoy. And please, oh please, please add some of your own.
The Three "P"s
This was originally proposed by Elder Dallin H. Oakes in May 2005 in a very popular talk I've heard dubbed the "close the cupboards" fireside or the "hanging out" talk. He suggested single adults stop "hanging out" and instead start dating. He said this brilliant description to those of us listening:
"Knowledgeable observers report that dating has nearly disappeared from college campuses and among young adults generally. It has been replaced by something called “hanging out”. You apparently know what this is, but I will describe it for the benefit of those of us who are middle-aged or older and otherwise uninformed.
Hanging out consists of numbers of young men and numbers of young women joining together in some group activity. It is very different from dating.
For the benefit of some of you who are not middle-aged or older, I also may need to describe what dating is. Unlike hanging out, dating is not a team sport. Dating is pairing off to experience the kind of one-on-one association and temporary commitment that can lead to marriage, in some rare and treasured cases."
He said that dating required the following three elements:
*Planned
*Paired off
*Paid for
The Other Three "P"s
This option was suggested to me by my friend Eileen. She created her own list of three P's -- naming the three requirements she had finally succumbed to when whittling down her list of what she wanted in a man to nearly nothing. Her 3 "P"s?
*Pulse
*Priesthood
*Penis
Successful note: Eileen is now married to a man who has all three
The Dating Gospel According to Micah
Micah and I tend to talk all the time about dating these days. He's been my long-distance dating guru of sorts. And also a great confidence booster reminding me that not only am I loved, but also that a non-committal hookup is just a five-hour plane ride away. Heart you Micah!
Like Eileen, he has also carefully crafted a list of necessities in his future spouse. His requirements:
*Someone I'm attracted to (physically, emotionally, intellectually, etc.)
*Someone I want to spend time with
*Someone I want to see naked (I refer to this as the "does not require a bag over his head when we're in the sack" clause -- or just someone I actually wanna get down with.)
Next, there are the theories of putting these desires into action. How does successful dating work?
1-1-1
This carefully-crafted dating technique is a clever twist on my ward's missionary program. The missionary program suggests we do the following:
Once a day, pray for a missionary experience
Once a week, have a discussion with a non-member about something church-related
Once a month, invite someone to a church-related activity
So a few of my girlfriends decided to tweak this and use it for their own needs. It goes a little something like this:
Once a day, pray for good dating experiences
Once a week, have a discussion with a dateable worthy priesthood holder
Once a month, go out on a date
I can guarantee you that this works! One of my girlfriends saw a difference in her own life right away! Three dates in a month -- and a boyfriend came out of it! And I have seen it succeed in my own life!
Four Necessary Questions
My friend, Belinda, from work reminds me of this every time I report another first date. These are questions she's come up with on her own, unfortunately from dating men who - had they shared this necessary information - she wouldn't have wasted a dime or time on them.
1. Are you married or have you ever been married?
2. Do you have any children?
3. Have you ever been in prison or are you currently wanted for any crimes? (As Belinda says, you never wanna hear the words, "No honey. We can't go to Canada. They're lookin' for me there...")
4. Have you ever been with or wanted to be with a man?
I suppose another good question would be "have you always been a man?" Just a thought.
Okay class. That's it for today's session.
Tomorrow we can cover success rates of putting the theories into action.
A small tease: 1-1-1 works for me!