I've been repeating my mantra over and over again: I left my pride in Portland.
You would think that would help ease the pain of writing a really bad paper, realizing that all the readings I did never sank in, or feeling as if I'm the only dumb person in the class. I've been seriously wondering if all these feelings will eventually go away. The one thing that gives me solace is knowing that for some reason from providential evidence, I know I am supposed to be here.
School is hard.
I stayed up until 3:00 last night reading and writing. I haven't stayed up that late in years. No, this is not because I've been spending the rest of my time playing. No, this is not because I'm trying to be a perfectionist. It's because I'm simply trying to learn everything I can, and it's just not registering. I just hope this is part of getting into the groove.
Things that are going well:
I have my thesis topic picked out -- mostly. I'm going to do a radio documentary on contemporary theatre and religion. I even have some interviews set up already. In a few weeks, I'll head down to D.C. for the weekend to watch a show and interview some people.
My classes are great. I love all the readings even though I don't understand them. We're learning a lot about the late 19th and early 20th century movements of arts, culture, and journalism. I think I'm going to pick up a copy of Marx's "Communist Manifesto." It's been years since I've read it, and I think it would help.
[Now have the song "Right Here, Waiting for You" in my head. Thank you to those who get it...]
My last two classes of the week are fantastic endings: my theatre class and my radio class; it's kinda' like dessert for me. My radio teacher is Alex Blumberg, who hosts NPR's "This American Life." I love it. I've already done my first radio piece -- all by myself! It's helped reassure me that although my essay writing is lacking, I am strong when it comes to writing for broadcast. I hope my skills will be strengthened even more by the end of the year.
I'm even getting my own radio equipment for my thesis. In fact, my minidisc recorder just arrived. It's really small -- about 3 inches by 3 inches. For some reason, it was shipped to me in a box that would hold a computer monitor. Explain that one.
Now all I need is a good microphone and headphones.
Yes, I'm turning into a geek.
My mom even bought me this really cool device (at Darren's recommendation) that allows me to watch tv on my laptop. Jealous?
Okay, so now I can here the questions coming. "How will you even have time to watch tv, Tam?"
Good question!
I don't!
BUT -- I'm gonna' have to record The Apprentice this season. My friend Shawna's husband is on it ("James"), so you should watch it too.
I think it's time for a nap now. Then I'm going to get up and do some more reading.