Choosing a College

The approaching Final Four has me reminiscing upon my horribly frightening experience of which college I should choose to attend.

Now let's just get one thing out in the open before someone is sorely mistaken about my knowledge of sports.
I suck at sports. My friends from my childhood can vouch for me. I was always the weird kid who went to acting class on Saturdays when my friends went to little league softball. I went to arts camp during the summer while everyone else played soccer.
In high school I finally attempted to take on team sports.
I played field hockey and lacrosse. Although I loved playing, the message was clear: I needed to stick to the stage.

I will likely never be the girlfriend who understands anything and everything about sports. It took me an entire football season of asking an old boyfriend what "first and ten" meant before I finally understood.
But I want the boyfriend who loves sports and who will take me to games and won't mind my lack of knowledge.
I adore going to baseball games. I want someone who will enjoy attending baseball games and the theater with me. But he will have to understand that of all sports, lacrosse will always remain my favorite.

Okay. Now that I've shared a little about what I want from my future, here's a little nugget from my past.

Applying to college was a mess for me. My stepfather had died a few months before applications were due and it basically sent my life in a different direction than I had hoped or planned. I applied to several colleges with Northwestern as my top pick. I loved everything about it. And I didn't get in. Other schools that rejected me: Yale, UVA, and Carnegie-Mellon (bombed my audition for its opera conservatory. Worst audition of my life). After my horrible audition for CMU, I decided to neglect my other auditions. I had no idea what I wanted.
I remember my mother getting me up at four in the morning to drive me through a snowstorm to the train station. I had scheduled an audition in New York for UCLA's theatre department. (Both my mother and grandmother had graduated from the school so it made sense for me to apply.) As we approached the train station I started to cry. "Mom. I don't want to go to UCLA."
I felt horrible. I hadn't properly prepared for my audition. I waited until the last minute as the snow pounded down onto our car to say something. I felt as if I were a failure. Needless to say, UCLA took me out of its pool.
I also failed to audition for Northwestern's Drama School. Same with Yale.
I was feeling desperate.
I grabbed two applications from schools that had been sending me information for about a year. I grabbed a pencil and filled out applications to George Mason University and Roanoke College last minute. I got into both.
It was a blessing. By that time I'd learned about my father's cancer diagnosis, so staying relatively near the DC area would be good.
George Mason was tempting. It was close to home (45 minutes away). But my mother told me that even if I chose to attend the school I would have to live on campus; she wasn't going to let me live at home and avoid the full "college experience." So I chose Roanoke. I figured four hours was far enough away to pretend to be a grown-up but close enough to get my laundry done.
It turned out to be the best decision for me.

And now, as I face a major turning point in my life, I face similar decisions and challenges. Will I let fear take over and avoid taking risks? Will I chicken-out at the last minute? Will the last-minute backup plan turn out to be the best?
These are all wonderful thoughts. I suppose the best thing to remember is that God is looking out for me and really knows what's best in the long run.









So as the Final Four approaches and I wonder "UCLA or George Mason?" I suppose the answer is obvious.

Springing Forward

Spring has sprung and so have I.

It's now less than a month until my master's project is due, so I'm in a sprint to the deadline. I'm also trying to figure out where I'd like to go next in my life. Where do I want to live? What do I want to do? It's quite exciting! I don't really feel pressure to find a job as much as I feel as if I'm free to do whatever I want. Refreshing.


My Spring Break was fun. I spent a few days in Portland. Among the events was Kaarina's bridal shower. Here she is with her new apron. And here's Kadra, who hosted the party. Isn't she cute?


And I also took this pic of Skye.

Apparently these are all the pictures I took. But hey, I was only back there for three days, so oh well. Even though it was a quick trip I managed to see most of my friends and family there! Woo hoo!
Ansley had some people over pre-church, I hung out with Darren and the fam, and I went out with my KATU friends for dinner. I even had a marriage proposal by our waiter. I'm still wondering why I didn't answer yes... He was cute! And funny!

I cancelled my trip to Utah and came straight back to New York to work on the master's project. And now that will be my life (along with other school work) for the next month or so. Alas dear friends, I might not be blogging so much in the meantime, but please feel free to send me some loves!

Happy Spring!

My Wings

First grade.
I made my first pair out of purple poster board with help from my mother.

I stood on stage and fidgeted with the elastic over my shoulders that were holding up the heavy winged cutouts flapping on my back. It was then that I walked up to a microphone and sang my first solo.

Since then my wings have changed dramatically as I take some time, step into my soul, and figure out my next plan.




Sometimes when my wings are dusty I feel the presence of angels looking over me and offering me strength not only to fly but to stand.




Right now I'm donning a new pair.
I keep wondering what they'll look like when they fully develop.
I get small glimpses as I peel away old layers from this well-worn cocoon. From what I see there's something beautiful inside just waiting to come out.

I have no idea where I'll take my new accessories or how well I'll wear them. But I plan to flaunt their striking essence because they'll be mine.
I can already feel the air sweeping underneath them.

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. -Friedrich Nietzsche

I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly dreaming I am a man. -Chang Tzu

I am very grateful for a husband who always lets me do my own thing... He never insists that I do anything his way, or any way for that matter. From the very beginning he gave me space and let me fly. -Marjorie Hinckley

Friends and Lovers

I'm being spoiled with more visitors!

This picture describes two of my friends perfectly: Allison in the forefront with a silly joyful smile and Nick standing in the background looking as if he's mostly serious.

They came in town last weekend and we scoured Manhattan. I loved it. Every time I'm with this duo I just feel grounded and at home. They're fantastic.

I worked with Allison back at "The Deuce" in Portland for a few years. Then she left me for Boston when Nick became an even bigger nerd than before (as if it were possible) and made it into MIT where's he's now pursuing a Ph.D in Astro-Physics. Allison still works in television.

Allison and Nick bring out the best in each other and I feel as if I'm a better person just by knowing them. They're not an uber-couple or anything. They're just real.

These two have been together for a few years. They met through one of their mutual friends and hit it off right away. After she met him it was as if she became a clearer and fuller version of herself than she'd been with other boyfriends. She was fearless about her pursuit, whereas before she was more calculated and stressed. Somehow she just knew Nick was it.

It's funny watching your friends when they meet the person they will spend the rest of their lives with. There's something distinctly different about them. I can remember the moment with each of my friends when I realized they'd met someone different. In some cases I was able to figure it out before they did!
I think it's kinda' magical actually.
I love being around couples like that.

The same goes for Kelly and Dylan. I was able to talk to Kelly for several hours this weekend about their relationship.

Yes, these pics are old but I don't care. I like them.

Kelly and I met a few years ago. The first conversation we ever had together I knew we'd be lifelong friends. Have you ever had that feeling?
Kelly has the uncanny ability to philosophize and be silly in the same sitting. Plus, she laughs at my jokes, so you know she's a shoo-in.


Dylan and I have been friends for a few years. We used to sit next to each other in church so people would think we were dating. I had a philosophy at the time that it might make us appear more appealing to those who'd want to date us if we seemed unavailable. [He ended up married so maybe it kinda' worked...?]

It was totally weird watching two of my closest friends fall in love with each other. Weird in a good way. Kinda' like that magic thing I was just mentioning.

Last Friday Kelly and I talked about her transition from "dater" to "mater" and the changes we both noticed. It's so great talking about it!
This month marks their one year wedding anniversary. Bliss!

Yes, the romantic in me has come to fruition as a result of my fun little thesis. At least it's been fun so far! I almost have too many good interviews and angles. I just hope it turns out well. If nothing else, I'm meeting more people which is always the best!

Up next for me: I'm heading to P-Town this Friday for a quick trip. On the agenda: taxes, DMV, family/pets, friends, and Kaarina's bridal shower.
Yea Kaarina and Forrest!
Then the following Tuesday I head to SLC for a couple days to do some "research." I'll be back in the big city in time for St. Paddy's Day.

Good times.

Drama

I love the theatre.
I always have.

One of the things we learn in the theatre is how to be in the moment, how to communicate, and how to purely present ourselves.

So why is it that when we use the phrase, "that person is so dramatic" it means that he or she is over the top? Interesting.

Lately I've been noticing people who are dramatic in this ironic sense. And I've noticed that we spend a lot of time blowing things way out of proportion when it comes to relationships between men and women.
Why do we make things so difficult when it comes to relationships? I don't get it. If it's something that's right, won't it just kinda' work?
I'm far from an expert, so I don't know the right answer to that question.

I asked my adorable 98-year-old grandfather a few months ago what it was that drew him to my grandmother. He said, "We just gelled, y'know?"

I'm not suggesting that relationships are easy. But I am suggesting that we try to avoid freaking out about every little thing.
Hey, don't get me wrong. I'm totally guilty of this too. Maybe even the most guilty... and that's likely why I'm bringing it up.

What I hope is that we can each learn how to function in relationships as we would on stage by being in the moment, communicating, and being true about how we're presenting ourselves. What a relief it would be if we could each master that skill.