Blind Date

Lately I've been in the mood to do some service acts. Yay! It's been keeping my schedule packed, but I enjoy it!
This week was Youth Conference for our stake. As part of it, I spent Friday downtown with one of the greatest guys in the world, Marcus.
We were there to help out the youth from the stake who were on a scavenger hunt.
We headed out early and met up at City Hall Park with our fearless leaders.

We then headed down toward an area called Old Slip. It's not too far from a spot where we got to see the Brooklyn Bridge. And the Waterfalls exhibit had just started up. I was glad to see it! Last month I had the chance to interview the artist, Olafur Eliasson, about the project. His accent was so thick and I could barely understand him, but I was still pretty impressed with his huge "green" art! Check it out!

Next assignment -- food. (Thank you buttered bagel.)

We then waited for several groups of youth to find us.
The kids were given clues based on the song "Amazing Grace." Their clue for our assignment:
Amazing Grace!
How sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me!
I once was lost but now am found,
was blind but now I see.
Head to Old Slip and help someone who appears to be in need!

So... Marcus pretended to be blind while the kids tried to help him down the street. Thus, he was my blind date for the day.
Get it?!
BLIND??!!!
Ha!

sigh

The youth didn't really seem too hyped about helping Marcus. Some of them even let him fall to the ground! Talk about the blind leading the blind!

We also talked with them about the history of the area and its links to the LDS church. I was so stoked to learn this stuff. I quickly committed the facts to memory and was so happy to share it with them.

But check this next picture out! I'm all excited about talking to these kids about church history... and are any of them looking at me?? That one girl looks asleep! Glad to know I was so entertaining.

We'd then give each group an envelope which contained another clue, sending them on their way to learn more about the history of our church in the city. How fun!

As the day lingered, it grew hotter and hotter. Some of the kids found a bit of relief from the fountain.


This was actually a really great day. I met some new people in the stake, which was SOOO exciting!!! And would you believe... I made a really great contact for my book project AND I was invited to the stake history dinners every month. Fun!!!

Another really, really cool part was that I got to learn a bit about church history in New York. So here are some facts for ya!

*In 1832, Joseph Smith traveled to the city with Bishop Newel K. Whitney. He stayed at the Pearl House on Pearl Street (now replaced with a parking lot). Joseph wrote to his wife, Emma, about the buildings that were "truly great and wonderful". He was speaking of the three and four story brownstones, which were the tallest in their day.

*In 1845, more than 200 Latter-day Saints boarded a ship at Old Slip called the Brooklyn. Each family paid $75 for each adult and half of that for each child. They sailed from New York, down to the southern tip of South America, and up toward the west coast. They left in November and - SIX MONTHS LATER - arrived in Yerba Buena, California (now known as San Francisco).
About one-third of those Saints eventually traveled to Salt Lake City.


And now you know!

Fizzlin' the Funk

Somewhere along the line I'd forgotten my own mantras over the past few months. Weird.
Among my most favorite personal mottos?
"It's all about attitude."



I think I've hit a bit of a turning point.

Wednesday I played hookey (or took a "mental maintenance" day) and spent a few hours with the lovely Corina. I absolutely adore her. Every time I'm with her I believe that I become even more of a soulful human being than ever possible. And somehow she seems to think I give her a boost too. It's a win-win. Combine that with some seriously solid friends, incredible nights celebrating the city, pedis with Rachel, and hangin' with Holly... it makes for a good dose of vitamin G.

That's "G" for goodness.

Today it's "G" for grateful.

I've been thinking a bit lately about what's missing. Why have I felt so unsettled? And I've come to realize that I really think it has very little to do with what's missing and more to do with what I have.

How have I allowed myself to get by being so ungrateful?

Ten years ago I was working the overnight shift in Roanoke, Virginia. I was making $17,000 a year and I was worked to the bone. I had designed a new morning news show that won the title as "Best Morning News" in the state. It was tough, tough work.

I would head into work at midnight - the only person in the station - and would build up a newscast from scratch... writing, cutting video, editing my own scripts. Around 4:30 my anchor would show up and get her makeup on. By the time the show rolled around I was exhausted. It was a two hour newscast and we were a small crew. We were a strong team and stuck together.

I was worked tirelessly and slept very little the two years I worked there.

And I loved every minute of it.

Every day after the show was over, I would sit in the control room and watch the Today Show, waiting for our three minute local news cutaway at 25 minutes past the hour. I vividly remember leaning back in a chair with my feet kicked up near the old Grass Valley switcher watching the show and thinking anxiously, "someday I wanna produce for a show like that!"

And today, I am. Here I AM!

What an incredible feeling knowing that I can whisper to my soul from 10 years ago, dreaming of network news by saying to her, "As you wish! In due time!"

It makes me think about the hopes and dreams I have for today. And I know that somewhere down the road there will be a sassy seventy-year old whispering to the me from today those same words!

I'm so grateful that I have dreams! And that they come true! How can I actually spend my time moaning and groaning over what I don't have when I'm forgetting the awesomeness of everything that's already in my life? I mean... let's get real here, y'all. I'm pretty much livin' the dream!

It's true!

Look at this lil' life I have here. I have conquered my career goal. I live in such a great little place in New York City. I have about a thousand friends. Literally! I have an incredibly loving family. I have my master's degree. I have run the marathon. I have endured trials. I have a deep feeling of love in my heart.

I love God. And even more cool -- I know He loves me! And I am totally, totally diggin' the goodness all around me.

I have want for nothing.


Sure. There are things I would love to have right now. And of course, there are days I just feel dismal. But to be honest, I've got a pretty good gig goin' on here. And the more time I spend bemoaning about what I want and don't have right now, the more I'm missing the blessings that I have right now that I spent so much time thinking, "I wanna do that someday."

This isn't a case of the "grass is always greener" as much as it is about getting the gratitude. I love dreams and tend to dream big. And I await dreams coming true and additional blessings that I can't even imagine.

Truth is truth.


Goodness is all around us. It's just up to us to see it, right?
A challenge, I suppose, is just keeping that attitude and not getting pulled down by all the bad ju-ju.
Recently I was feeling pretty hopeless. It's true. In the midst of feeling great, I had a day of feeling despair. Ugh! Utter pain! And bless Holly. Always the woman with a good pick-me-up, she urged me to write 20 things that I was grateful for. And I was not in the mood. I really wasn't. It was pretty much appealing to me only because it was a good excuse to make a list. And goodness knows, I'm pretty much always up for making a list of something.

It has helped tremendously.

So this is my latest medicine... making my gratitude lists and actually not slacking. It's one piece of the puzzle that I've been trying to piece together as of late. It'll be interesting to see how I feel tomorrow.

Today is a good day.

true love

Micah sent me this as a good quote for today...

"True love is not so much matter of romance, as it is a matter of anxious concern for the well being of one's companion."
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

Oh, Ophelia!

A while ago I made a list of things I really wanted to do around the city.
Shakespeare in the Park.
Check.

Last night I saw "Hamlet". I've seen around a dozen or so versions of this show so far, and for some reason, I always forget that they tend to last nearly four hours (oy veh!). Somehow we made it through!!!

I heart Hamlet. (Well, in truth, I heart Polonius, but still...)

(Newsday Photo / Ari Mintz / June 16, 2008)

When I was pretty young I was kind of a reverse-snob (I suppose now I claim to be just a regular snob). I thought all the people into Shakespeare were weirdos. It was one of the many, many lessons in humilty I would learn in my life. As I learned more and more about the "Complete Works," I fell in love with it. And I suppose, as Hamlet is likely my most studied, it's also one of my most favorite. (I'm still a sucker for "Midsummer" and "Much Ado".)
I guess I'm at the point where I await particular lines to see how they will be delivered, I wonder if the scene with the Players will, once again, be my least favorite or actually exciting, and I long to get into the director's mind and assume his/her intentions.

One thing I really love about Hamlet - and of many of Shakespeare's works - is the theme of self and identity. From the start of the show to the finish, the script is full of questions similar to those we ask of each other and our own selves.

The opening lines:

Bernardo: Who's there?
Francisco: Nay, answer me; stand and unfold yourself.

The words of the ghostly king trickle eerily throughout the show... "Remember!"

And that very question with which we're all familiar: "To be, or not to be".

As Hamlet loses his own self to a debated form of "madness", he struggles to simply remember who he is. And poor Ophelia is caught in the crossfire.
Now, take note. I usually am not too lured in by Ophelia. I mean, sure, I feel sorry for her. But mostly I have just seen her as a chick who made a bad move in her choice of men. (Seriously, sometimes Hamlet is just nuts.)


(Newsday Photo / Ari Mintz / June 16, 2008)

But last night, I really found myself connecting to the poor gal. Same with Hamlet. I could see that he truly loved her, but for whatever reason, he just couldn't be with her. And Ophelia took it so personally, as if something were wrong with her; she felt as if she were wrongly kicked to the curb and didn't understand why all of her hopes and dreams were ripped from her. Intense.

Mostly though, she spoke a line last night that has been lingering through my head over and over.
I think I've missed it before:

Lord, we know what we are, but know not what we may be.
Act IV, scene 5

No matter how self-aware we are (or think we are), we don't ever really know how people perceive us... nor do we know what may become of our own selves. And sometimes - maybe even much of the time - we're actually just fooling ourselves.
How can we tell when and if we are truly in line with our own selves? And no matter how hard we try to stay in line, is it possible to always stay on track?

I've been talking with a number of friends about this very topic lately, and it keeps intriguing me. How do we know if we are truly remembering who we are? Or if we're even a degree off?
I believe the Atonement helps keeps us on track, and I know that I'm trying my best to "be real" about who I am. Sometimes I feel off course, but I know, that above all, the Lord wants me to be in line with Him and with the soul I was truly created to be... or not to be. :)

Integrity. Living your truth. Whatever you want to call it, it's simply about not being afraid of the beautiful you that just simply is... and standing up for the goodness that lies within you.


This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.
Act I, scene 3

use-tuh-could

I sang in church yesterday with a few of my friends. I was actually nervous! Thankfully we prayed for help and the Spirit was present. We somehow pulled it off. (Good idea on the praying for help, Holly!)
I quit voice lessons last September, and I have felt rusty ever since. Hmm... no. I think I felt rusty even then.
Yesterday people kept telling me, "I had no idea you could sing!"
My response: "I used to be pretty good."

It made me think a bit about where I've been and where I'm going. And where I am.

I started singing as a wee pup. I dreamed of Broadway and probably would have made it if I'd given myself the chance. I was on a roll. But I made other choices and now... I hum melodiously as I walk down Broadway. Does that count?
Goodness knows, I miss singing so much. Living in New York doesn't offer much in the department of "sorta singers." These people are pretty "profesh", and I have no intentions on setting my sights so high anymore. So I settle for Sunday's hymns and the Messiah Sing-along at Christmastime. For today, it's enough. (MOTAB will have to wait!)

Last night I was with some friends and we all voiced some dreams for 20 years from now. I spoke of a blissfully boring life: raising a family of smart and grounded kids, volunteering with the school and in the community, helping the women and girls of the world, and being married to a man who still took me out on dates and held my hand. From the viewpoint of a hard-nosed career girl who has somehow accomplished most every goal she can get her hands on -- that life seems pretty dang rad!
We each then dreamed of what life would be like in just three years, which some people were scared to talk about! My dreams were once again simple. They involved a family, scaling back my career, and a few personal challenges: publishing my first book, teaching a class at a university, run another big race, and I'd really like to have taken a sailing class by then. Maybe more Spanish too.

But more than anything, I dream of continuing a happy life filled with the twists and turns that we each are thrown on a regular basis. I keep learning the lesson that I actually have very little control over what happens next. But I dare to dream! And I learn more and more about allowing miracles into my daily life. It's pretty great.

The other night I was walking home from work and conversing with the Lord. It's a time I feel meditative and reflective and has become something I look forward to most every night. (Watson has also started taking me on longer walks in the morning, which just adds to the bliss! Thank you for being you New York City!)
Anyway, along my walk I thought of what it would feel like if I could feel all the emotions of my mortal life in an instant. From past to present to future... embracing my entire lifespan of hopes, miracles, accomplishments, loss, disappointments, monotony, heartache. What does it all feel like in the end? Does it all add up to pain? Happiness? What?
As I looked up to the sky I spotted the glorious full moon watching over me, reflecting its timelessness from above. I was overcome with a deep feeling of love. Joy. Excitement!
Isn't that what this is all about? Walking through the mysteries and miracles of life, and somehow finding the light of joy within it?

I know. I've been in reflective writing mode lately. It's good for me. Helps the healing. I've been writing in my journal every day too. It's been phenomenal. I highly recommend it.
For me, writing is a great way of exploring my thoughts and remembering who I am.
Sometimes I forget.
I forget that there is this booming voice residing within me awaiting its own resonance.
I forget that there is a mother and a wife patiently waiting for her time to arrive.
I forget that I am a daughter of God, made with purpose.
And I forget that all of my blessings are already here... even if I haven't experienced them yet.

So thank you for muddling your way through my thoughts with me. I've been finding the joy in my journey. I have no idea what awaits me next, and I relinquish that control.
I can't wait to see what happens.

finding synonym

fu-tile: (fyōōt'l, fyōō'tīl')
adjective

1.
incapable of producing any result; ineffective; useless; not successful.
2.
trifling; frivolous; unimportant.

Origin: 1545–55; fūtilis, futtilis: easily broken, vain, worthless

on life and science

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” -- Charles Darwin

...and faith

Thank you.
Your words have meant the world to me!
Honestly, I can feel your prayers -- and I know they are working!
Absolutely incredible.

1 Nephi 7:12
Moroni 7:42

Bless You Snapple Cap

HOPE

I had an interesting argument today at work about a story we're doing on gay marriage. I felt as if the story they planned to air was way too biased toward gay marriages and not recognizing that well over half of America is extremely against it. On my side was a gay man.
(I think it's also important to say that I actually am not against gay marriage. I'm just against slanting news stories.)
I found myself as a minority, arguing one side against a group that seemed a little more accepting of the changing times than I felt necessary for my viewers. I feel as if the story is still coming off balanced in favor of gay marriage, which is not a fair representation of our viewers' opinions. It just seems a bit of poor producing in my mind. I suppose I need to accept that I now work in an environment where I am merely an advocate and not a decision maker. I wish things came across as more balanced than they are, no matter what someone's personal opinion is on marriage, there are all types of decisions and news stories are best when we talk about them all instead of catering toward one side. Just my thoughts.

Marriage is important to me.

When I was 11 years old, I started praying for my husband. I began praying on a fairly regular basis that the Lord was taking care of him, preparing him for me and I for him. I continue similar - yet more specific - prayers to this day.
As a kid, I also opened my first savings account and I remember thinking excitedly that it would be intended for my kids' college fund -- interestingly, not my own! It still sits in the bank.

I've always wanted kids and have always had the desire to marry. But for some reason, the kids seemed more plausible to me. The husband... I was never so sure about. I wanted to marry, but I was pretty scared of it. I had no idea what kind of man I was in store for. I'd dated some really great guys, but none really resonated as the "husband type" to me. Some of my boyfriends wanted to marry me, but I just didn't feel like they would be a good fit in the long-run. And I tended to put up with a lot of nonsense, allowing a lot of very poor behavior occur in my relationships... hoping that somehow the tide would turn.

I began to lose hope in my marriage possibilities.

And then something happened.

About five years ago, I went on a date with a really neat guy. He was from out of town, and the date was a setup. He was so, so great. Nothing over-the-top. Just a regular guy who met my basic requirements: smart, funny, kind. I remember coming home and telling my roommate, Ruthie, about it. I was elated!
I knew that nothing was going to come of it. Our interest level seemed to remain at "friends", but it had given me HOPE! I knew that somehow, some way, and some DAY that there might be a few more out there like him! It was a glimmer that I held onto for the remaining years.

As the years went by, I wasn't meeting anyone who felt like a match. I'd made great friends, dated a few guys, but I knew in my heart and through the Spirit that none of them were my guy. My hope started to wain again. But then, about two-and-a-half years ago, I decided I was not giving up on myself. In fact, I had a very powerful moment where I can vividly recall not only my immediately increased desire for a good, loving Priesthood holder... but for some reason, I had an incredible amount of faith tied along to it.

I was sitting in my room while I was in grad school, staring at the ceiling, and analyzing my situation (I know, big surprise). I came to a conclusion that went something like this...

If I'm in the church, then there has to be at least one man in the church out there for me. I mean... He is GOD. He should be able to help me find someone...

This was an incredible realization for me. It somehow boosted my confidence and made my desire for marriage even stronger. I no longer feared that I would end up with a dud. I knew that God was gonna help me get there.

I remember also that for some reason I decided that there were likely 5 really qualified candidates out there for me. Maybe three of them were already married though... leaving me with just two.

Two.

I suppose I should count myself lucky. My mother always says, "It only takes one."


I thought back to the prayers I'd been offering since I was a child, thinking that I was making choices that would help teach me the proper lessons to be a good wife and mother. And that somewhere out there was a man who was doing the same for me. I was dating men who would help me learn and grow. And he was dating women who were preparing him for me.

It taught me a little more about appreciating the men I dated as someone's future husband and being grateful for the men and women dating someone's future spouse. I figure we're all here to help each other.


A few months after my big realization that God would actually help me find someone incredible, my friend Kaarina posted an engagement announcement on her blog. Included in the description of her and Forrest's growing love, were words that struck me so strongly and poignantly. To this day, when I read them, the Spirit hits me as I read them... and I can never make it through the last part without crying.

She wrote the following:


it was a year ago november when i started apologizing to God with all the depth of my soul for the years & years of doubt & tears & frustration & railing & absolutely giving up on the glimmer of hope that he would ever bless me with something THIS amazing.

o, my friends!! little did i know.

he was blessing me the whole time.


I have gone back to Kaarina's blog for these words time and time again over the past couple years. I'm familiar with the doubt. The tears. The frustration. And the giving up of hope.

HOPE

That is a word that keeps coming to my mind lately. It's not that I'm feeling hopeless... just less hope. And I need to remember to be hopeful. I need to remember that God is blessing me right now. I need to remember that the righteous blessings I desire and the blessings He wants to grant me will happen in His time and His way.

I've recently reached out to my family asking for prayers on this; that they will help me remain hopeful. If you remember, could you please include me in your prayers too?

My Turn on the Media

Back in the day, I would sit in church and would roll my eyes as someone would stand at the pulpit and rip on the media. It was kinda' a joke between me and my friend, Krikava. He works in politics, and I work in the media; our industries were constantly ripped on.
I understood the disdain. I haven't been blind to the poor influences of media. But I got into the business to try and make a difference in the world... and hoping to use its powers for good.

I've been weeding out the media I let into my life for quite a while. Last year I started cutting back on the amount of television I watch. Lots of family sitcoms tend to twist the roles of the family around. Particularly, it irritates me when I see the standard show about the "dumb dad." It's pretty annoying and disrespectful and has bothered me for many years. And there are also the shows with the kids who are mean to each other... not to mention the slutty teenagers, which absolutely is unacceptable to me.

Movies are another form of entertainment I love, but it's frustrating. Throughout the years, I've tended to be fairly anti-rated R (almost as strongly as I'm anti-McDonald's). It's put me in some sticky situations from time to time, but my friends have continued to hang out with me even if I'd left at the start of a movie. I took a break from my rated-R restriction when I was dating someone, and quite frankly, it wasn't worth it.

Music.
This is the tough one for me. There are songs I love that have bad words in them or mean messages. And I just can't listen to them anymore, regardless of their cool rhythms.

So where does this leave me? I'm a woman who works in network news and I hear about "bad stuff" all the time. Do I wiggle my way out as my testimony grows and my tolerance for smut weakens?
I know I might sound rather snobby here, but I really don't care. This is something I've been debating for a long time, and I'm just not sure how to handle it anymore.
I'm at another point in my life where I'm considering another career change. It's important to me that I see my good works sift into my work.
When I first joined the church, I gave up a lot of friends.
That was hard for me but necessary.
And now, I'd like to give up my job for something a little more meaningful. Sure, there are days that I love what I do. And I always get the stories that are fun and light-hearted because my bosses know how I feel about "bad news." But still, how effective am I being? Am I really bringing light to my work? Or am I just feeding a mean beast?

Lately I've had a bit on my plate to think about. And I haven't really had too many people I've wanted to talk about it with. But one of the big things is my job. I know, I know. I've been talking about getting out of the business for years. I'm just a bit scared.

Cash for Kids

I read this article today about schools paying their students for good grades. Is this seriously what it's come down to? We have to monetarily motivate our kids to have a desire to learn?

When my stepdad moved in, he paid me $20 for every 'A'. I remember being very confused -- but I was too smart to argue that kind of offer! Were you paid or given some sort of incentive for good grades? Or were the grades enough? And how do you intend to handle this with your own kids?

Worlds Colliding...

GEORGE: This is not good. Worlds are colliding! George is getting upset!

(This episode was on the other night...)

GEORGE: Ah you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him, Ceases to Exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with -- Movie George, Coffee shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George.

JERRY: I, I love that George.

GEORGE: Me Too! And he's Dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will Kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, Cannot Stand!


I'm realizing that more and more of my friends are intertwined somehow. I've become a connector, I suppose; in many ways on purpose and another through happenstance. I suppose part of it is the default of being a Mormon. I love meeting people in the church, finding out where they're from, and then playing the "Do you know..." game.

Today I was going through a few friends on Facebook and noticed that a few of my friends knew some other friends. "How does that person know him???" I kept asking! My worlds are colliding! And I didn't even know it!


KaRyn and I have found that we know a few people in common from our many circles. Her mission, my college world; her undergrad, my grad school; her time in Salt Lake, my time in Portland; and of course the people we meet through online encounters. It seems unending.

Ansley and Ryan ran into each other and had the debate:
"Hey, you know my friend, Tamara!"
"You mean MY friend, Tamara!"

My sixth grade crush fell for a girl here in the city... who dated a guy i recently dated...

And my most recent excitement happened today, when I was reading my friend Caranine's blog, and she'd posted this.


Can I just say how much I love people? Is this just a symptom of remaining single for so long? Or is this just a symptom of remaining me? Either way, I like it and can't wait to see who you all get hooked up with next.

Spotlight: Micah

Micah visited this weekend!
He served his mission out here, so he likes to head back to the city a couple times a year. This time he took me to a Yankees game! Yay! :)
We became closer friends last year when we were both going through pretty hard times and... well... no one else really wanted to listen to either of us anymore! Lucky for us, we found we were equally pathetic and therefore helped each other move on and heal. And now... we are both SOOOOO much better for it.
Phew!!!


My favorite Micah phrase as of late:

"Don't trade non-eternal priorities for your eternal progression."

Ladies, Micah is one of the good ones left. Take note, and tell your friends.

Thank you Micah!

Hello June...

It's hard to believe that "2008: The Year of ME!" is halfway over! Yowza! I've done a lot so far and have felt the good flow in and out consistently. And I've noticed that I regularly recognize that I'm the most blessed person on this planet; I'll chalk that up to a pretty good attitude adjustment over the past six months. Can't wait to continue the good vibe throughout the rest of the year.

Could 2009 actually be even BETTER? Hard to believe, but I guess it's possible!

What's "really" going on with me...

Skye and I had a recent exchange mentioning the good 'ol days of the blog; they were the times when we weren't guarded. We'd talk about our fears, feelings, and we were forthright with deep discussions on doctrine and spirituality. We called each other out. We weren't afraid of speaking our own minds, and we took risks with our thoughts with the hope someone would learn something and maybe, just maybe, we'd each become a little bit better.

I started my blog just over three years ago. At first it was just to "get it out there." My thoughts, my writings, my hopes. I had no readers except for me. It was a virtual wishing well for me. I'd put out a vibe and get the good thrown back. Gradually it became a venue for my friends and family to keep up with me from afar. And now... well now it's interesting. As the number of viewers has grown, the comments have faded... and so has the "truth." And today I'm hoping to peel back a layer.
Maybe even two.

If you know me vaguely then you might assume you know me pretty well. I know I come across fairly honest and genuine. I'm pretty strong, self-assured, curious, and allow enough sensitivity to show so that people will know that I'm not built of brick. I also know that I'm overly self-aware (maybe to a fault), and I'm always striving to be a better person, allow more love, make God proud, and let the sun shine from within me.

If you know me well, then you know the further layers. I've been really blessed in this life with a lot of close friends and family. Quite frankly, I'm amazed at how incredible the people are among my many circles. Every day I am pretty humbled by these people. I'm lucky that I get to keep in touch with these people -- even if on an infrequent basis. I tend to learn something on every single interaction. I have mentioned before that I feel as if I'm the luckiest person in the world, and most of that is because of the people in my life. The remainder of my good luck is because of my awareness of God's goodness in every single thing.

If you are one of my closer friends, then you know a little more about how I really function. I feel blessed that this is actually a fairly large group of people. You know something about me that I'm still trying to become better at: you know that I am worth way more than I give myself credit.
You have seen this in many areas of my life over and over again. You've seen me succeed in practically everything I do and just expect that to keep happening. You await to hear what crazy idea I come up with next and know, without a doubt, that it will happen.
You have seen me sell myself short. You have watched as I allow people into my life who don't deserve as much space as I've allowed them. You have wiped my tears. You have heard me bear my soul, been privileged to see me in a vulnerable state, and seen me pick myself back up after heartache. You have heard me sing, stayed up with me until the wee hours talking about the philosophy of nothing and everything, laughed at my dumb jokes, and watched as I said something no one else had the nerve to.
You have seen me share my weaknesses. You have seen my intense commitment and loyalty. You know I love God and want to do my best. You know that I cry. A lot. You know that if there is someone who has no friend, that I will likely allow them into my world. You like me in spite of my many, many, many foibles. And for that reason, you continue to carry the most special place in my heart.
How have I been able to be so, so very lucky?

If you know me very well then you also are aware that am not afraid of myself. You know that even though I talk a lot, I am not necessarily revealing what's really going on with me. You know that I coccoon - sometimes for a long time, remaining anti-social - and I always come out a more beautiful butterfly. You know there are times when I act as if everything is perfect when really I feel as if my whole world is in chaos.
You know that somehow, through everything, I always tend to keep it together even when I feel like I'm on the verge of losing it.
You also know, and have told me on many occasions, that I deserve someone really, really great in this life. You have mentioned that I need someone who really has it together. Who is kind-hearted. And who's pretty dang smart.
You have also gently reminded me when I was not allowing that type of man into my life. Hopefully you agree that I'm much better at listening to your advice these days than I was before and am much quicker at giving unlikely candidates the boot. That has been a lesson many years in the making, and thank you for your patience with me.

At this point I wonder where you, dear Reader, have placed yourself. How well do you believe you know me? And how well do we really know each other? And our own selves?

And that brings me to today: A beautiful day where the sun is bold and the humidity is unforgiving. A day where I stand unafraid of the truth and the determination to make the most of my life.
I have no idea what tomorrow brings to me, but I welcome its blessings and challenges with joy.
Right now I'm making the most of it. Things are not perfect, but I am doing the best with what I have and enjoying it as much as I can. I long for more and know that my needs will be met in the way and time that's needed.

I'm starting some new projects that scare the heck out of me. I'm approaching my life and my goals from a different angle, and I have God guiding me. I only hope I follow His light enough so that you see it shining through me.

Today I continue to live a purpose-filled life. I have a stronger boundary and foundation than before, and I suppose with that blessing will come more responsibility. I await whatever that is and am, admittedly, a little... frightened? nervous? trepidatious? Hmm... I'm pretty dang scared.
Typically, I tend to plan exactly how and when my goals and hopes will be accomplished, and I make it happen. This time, I'm trying to trust more in the Lord and let things happen the way He wants them to. I have no idea what that means in the details, so please... remind me to enjoy the adventure.

I wrote this entry with the same intention I had three years ago when starting this whole blog process... to put it all "out there" to remind myself of who I am today, the hope I have in my future, and to use it as a way to allow goodness to return my way.
I am actively receiving good things as of late and am filling my life with goodness. I've been pushing aside the dead weight and creating stronger boundaries. I've wasted too much time feeling bad about myself. It's time for me to get it in gear.

Thank you to those of you who bring a positive light to my life.
For my closest friends, you know I sometimes tend to be a lonely soul... even though I work my hardest to hide it. You have made my life feel so fulfilled. I am so excited for our adventures to continue. Won't it be interesting to see what's in store?
I can't wait.

Blissfully Dreaming of Fall Today...

All in All, Good Times

This week has been so super great. After last weekend's lovely Harbor Cruise and trip to the Hollow, I am happy to report that things keep getting more and more exciting! Corina and I nabbed some yummy gelato Monday night. I must say -- hazelnut is an all-time fave.
And Tuesday I headed to Carnegie Hall to hear the BYU symphonic orchestra. The audience may have likely been one of the worst ever. I tend to believe that performances are meant not only to entertain but also to teach us how to receive and respond well.
And last night was capped with tickets to see Sunday in the Park With George. Weird, but good! Can't wait to see the Yankees on Monday!

Sunshine

Just sending you all some sunshine and a SMILE! :) I hope you're having a good day!

The Harbor and the Hollows

Upon my return from Portland, I was blessed with the presence of Russ's sister, Valerie. We had such a great weekend! On Saturday we headed out to the Harbor Cruise. It was such a beautiful night!!! What fun! (And yes... that's Georgina somewhere aboard in the dark)




After church on Sunday, we packed a lunch, hopped in the car, and let the wind be our guide. It was the PERFECT day! Oh my word. I had the most fun! Russ drove us north and we ended up in Sleepy Hollow. He couldn't have picked a better place! It's GORGEOUS! (I wouldn't mind living in a little hole in the Hollow!)


We spotted a cute little cemetary. (Valerie later learned that the cemetary was right next to the center of the classic "Sleepy Hollow" story.) We found ourselves a cute little spot among some trees and well... yes... some graves... and had a wee picnic. We debated whether it was in poor taste to picnic in a cemetary... but apparently we decided it was fine. And besides, who was there to complain?? :)



An absolutely delightful day filled with great people, the perfect scenery, fun conversation, naptime, and of course, some silly jokes that none of you would likely find funny.
Good times!

Advice From an Underage Voter

My brother (die-hard Republican) and I (likely a socialist) were discussing who to vote for, when my niece piped up with the obvious response.

"Oh I know!!!"

"You do?"

"David Archuletta!"

Spoken like a future poli-sci major.

Thank you, Aubrey!