Among my most favorite personal mottos?
"It's all about attitude."
I think I've hit a bit of a turning point.
Wednesday I played hookey (or took a "mental maintenance" day) and spent a few hours with the lovely Corina. I absolutely adore her. Every time I'm with her I believe that I become even more of a soulful human being than ever possible. And somehow she seems to think I give her a boost too. It's a win-win. Combine that with some seriously solid friends, incredible nights celebrating the city, pedis with Rachel, and hangin' with Holly... it makes for a good dose of vitamin G.
That's "G" for goodness.
Today it's "G" for grateful.
I've been thinking a bit lately about what's missing. Why have I felt so unsettled? And I've come to realize that I really think it has very little to do with what's missing and more to do with what I have.
How have I allowed myself to get by being so ungrateful?
Ten years ago I was working the overnight shift in Roanoke, Virginia. I was making $17,000 a year and I was worked to the bone. I had designed a new morning news show that won the title as "Best Morning News" in the state. It was tough, tough work.
I would head into work at midnight - the only person in the station - and would build up a newscast from scratch... writing, cutting video, editing my own scripts. Around 4:30 my anchor would show up and get her makeup on. By the time the show rolled around I was exhausted. It was a two hour newscast and we were a small crew. We were a strong team and stuck together.
I was worked tirelessly and slept very little the two years I worked there.
And I loved every minute of it.
Every day after the show was over, I would sit in the control room and watch the Today Show, waiting for our three minute local news cutaway at 25 minutes past the hour. I vividly remember leaning back in a chair with my feet kicked up near the old Grass Valley switcher watching the show and thinking anxiously, "someday I wanna produce for a show like that!"
And today, I am. Here I AM!
What an incredible feeling knowing that I can whisper to my soul from 10 years ago, dreaming of network news by saying to her, "As you wish! In due time!"It makes me think about the hopes and dreams I have for today. And I know that somewhere down the road there will be a sassy seventy-year old whispering to the me from today those same words!
I'm so grateful that I have dreams! And that they come true! How can I actually spend my time moaning and groaning over what I don't have when I'm forgetting the awesomeness of everything that's already in my life? I mean... let's get real here, y'all. I'm pretty much livin' the dream!
It's true!
Look at this lil' life I have here. I have conquered my career goal. I live in such a great little place in New York City. I have about a thousand friends. Literally! I have an incredibly loving family. I have my master's degree. I have run the marathon. I have endured trials. I have a deep feeling of love in my heart.
I love God. And even more cool -- I know He loves me! And I am totally, totally diggin' the goodness all around me.
I have want for nothing.Sure. There are things I would love to have right now. And of course, there are days I just feel dismal. But to be honest, I've got a pretty good gig goin' on here. And the more time I spend bemoaning about what I want and don't have right now, the more I'm missing the blessings that I have right now that I spent so much time thinking, "I wanna do that someday."
This isn't a case of the "grass is always greener" as much as it is about getting the gratitude. I love dreams and tend to dream big. And I await dreams coming true and additional blessings that I can't even imagine.
Truth is truth.
Goodness is all around us. It's just up to us to see it, right?
A challenge, I suppose, is just keeping that attitude and not getting pulled down by all the bad ju-ju.
Recently I was feeling pretty hopeless. It's true. In the midst of feeling great, I had a day of feeling despair. Ugh! Utter pain! And bless Holly. Always the woman with a good pick-me-up, she urged me to write 20 things that I was grateful for. And I was not in the mood. I really wasn't. It was pretty much appealing to me only because it was a good excuse to make a list. And goodness knows, I'm pretty much always up for making a list of something.
It has helped tremendously.
So this is my latest medicine... making my gratitude lists and actually not slacking. It's one piece of the puzzle that I've been trying to piece together as of late. It'll be interesting to see how I feel tomorrow.Today is a good day.