I have been wondering something lately about marital status. I know this is not an issue that's simply one way or another. I know it's different for everyone. But I am seriously wondering: why do some women marry and others don't?
I know this is a loaded question and that I will likely get some very angry responses. But this is something I've been wondering because I am not ashamed to admit that I want to get married.
I'm not saying I want to marry today, tomorrow, or even in the near future. In fact, the timeline is irrelevant. I'm just saying, that generally speaking, I would really, really, really like to marry and have children. Preferably, I would also like to marry a wonderful man who would love me so much that he could not imagine eternity with anyone else.
So this has made me wonder about the many wonderful, brilliant, beautiful, solid, and single women I know among my family, friends, and colleagues.
Are they single because they lack skills?
Are they single because they don't desire it enough?
Are they single because they lack faith?
Yes, I understand that there are many women who don't want to marry. But I wonder about my own desires. Over the past couple years I've made many changes in my personal life. First and foremost, I've grown from just wanting to marry to having a very deep desire... such a strong desire that I was willing to make the many changes in what had been holding me back from successful relationships.
In the past, I'd blamed my failed relationships on being with the wrong men. But I think I've finally stopped playing the victim and now really hold myself accountable for my mistakes or my own lack of desire to be married.
I kinda' feel as if other people sometimes expect me to stay single forever. I have been a career-oriented woman for a long time. I've invested in men I didn't really want to marry. Or I've taken years off from dating.
And now I'm actually attracted to different men than I once was. I used to approach a relationship wondering if we "click" or if the guy were cute and fun. And now... my first thoughts are moreso about if this man could be a good husband, father, and if he would be worthy of my love eternally.
But even though I've made these changes... does this mean I will actually ever marry?
It's just come to my realization - again - that I might remain single for the rest of my life. And before, I would have thought that was okay. But that's not okay for me anymore.
Yes, I know. I will receive at least a few emails saying, "at least you've been dating someone. I have no chances whatsoever!"
I understand those feelings. And I've said those very same lines many times! Honestly, I now consider all those comments as playing the victim. (feel free to be angry with me on that one)
As for my personal dating life, I think dating someone for a while has actually somehow made me more insecure about the possibility of marriage than secure. And maybe that's just my situation. But even if I were not dating this one guy, I think I would still be enjoying my dating life. I keep getting asked out every week from cute guys at church -- and I honestly think that has more to do with my healthy attitude about myself than anything else.
I once heard (I think in a movie) that women remain single because they want to. I believe that idea was insinuating that many single women claim they want to date, but when they're given the opportunity to do so, they turn men down. Or they simply don't make the changes in their lives or behaviors that would be more inviting to men.
So what do you think of all this?
I likely won't keep this post up for too long. Or maybe I will. I don't know. These are just some things I've been thinking.
I know the Lord knows the desires of my heart. Does that give me a guarantee? Nope. But at least I know I'm loved and that He's listening. And that will give me the guarantee that even if I'm single for the rest of my life, at least I won't be doing it all alone.