I chatted with one of my sweet girlfriends today. She's been having a wee tad of a rough time in Man Land. I can attest, that many times, I have become lost there. I'm not quite sure if I even have a current map anymore. Someday I hope to have GPS... or know my way around so well that I don't need help. I suppose that will happen when I have a partner to help guide me.
Recently I have found myself bringing up a certain "list" I made a few years ago. It's a list I made with the help of Life and Relationship Coach Val Baldwin, better known to me as my friend "Val the Relationship Gal." We'd met in Portland years back. She actually appeared on my old tv station from time to time giving life and love advice on our magazine show. She also was gracious enough to give some of her input at some church events.
The list she urged me to make includes 10 requirements for the man I want to marry. This is different than a list of "deal breakers." Her philosophy was that if you meet all the requirements, deal breakers tend to fall to the wayside. I wonder if that's true. Maybe the rest of you can weigh in on it. Thus far, I tend to agree with it. Surprisingly, I've made exceptions to all of mine -- even those that I thought were the ultimate deal breakers, like owning a gun (yes, even I can make compromises on such things).
From time to time I'd wondered if I needed to add more. But Val was pretty insistent on thinking and praying very carefully about my list of 10. It gave me some boundaries of what I would tolerate and it also gave me some guidelines on the type of eternal qualities I was looking for in a man. And I believe, to this day, I should make no exceptions.
The list was one I grew to enjoy. At one point I'd seriously considered writing it up on little business cards and give them to my friends so they could keep me in mind when meeting fantastic single men. I wanted to have a team of properly informed peers support me in my search. I suppose if at some point I need the list for searching again, you can always refer back to it here.
Today I promised my sweet friend that I would post my list to give her an idea of how to make her own. Granted, these are elements that are important to me. They are characteristics I expect of myself and characteristics I intend my husband to have the day I marry him. I want him to meet all 10. I don't think that 8 or 9 is sufficient. There are indeed bonus prizes I have wished for over the years (everyone has those). In addition to the requirements, I'd secretly hoped to find a man who was tall, played the guitar, and had blue eyes I could swim in. Those extras are just that, extras. Not requirements.
So as promised, in no particular order...
The List
1. Temple worthy (a man who loves the Lord and lives to do His will)
2. Shared sense of humor (is it possible someone could be as funny as I????)
3. Mutual emotional support
4. Driven
5. Physical compatibility (meaning we both find each other attractive)
6. Family-oriented
7. Effective communication
8. Intellectual equal (is it possible someone could be as GENIUS?) :)
9. Independence
10. Common vision of life
I look forward to these blessings unfold in my life.