Time for an Upgrade

Friday night, I headed a few blocks away for dinner. My cute purse sat nestled under my chair carefully placed between my feet. One minute it was there. The next: gone.
I checked, double-checked, checked, checked, checked. No bag.

Frustrating. But not the end of the world.
Thankfully I was graced with the presence of a man who didn't freak out about it. We waited for the cops to come, filed a police report, and played tic-tac-toe while I called to cancel my credit cards. You know... the usual date stuff.

Items listed as victims of "grand larceny":
purse: new, black, cute
driver's license: priceless, picture I actually liked
Visas (2): cancelled
health insurance card
wallet: red, nice, leather
ear bags: off-white
gum: Eclipse, winterfrost, 8 pieces
ticket stub from play I saw Tuesday night
pen: black, bic, ball point
gloves: tan, warm, fleece
cash: nearly nothing
metrocard: $6 remaining
phone: cute pics of pets, phone numbers, text messages
batteries: AA, three new, 1 old
minidisc: new, unused
lip gloss: MAC, light pink, little left but oh-so-missed
lipstick: it lasted me years, perfect color
fancy new lip balm: gifted to me from my brother for Valentine's Day

Apparently I'm into lip products. Or at least I was until yesterday.

I had luckily taken my radio equipment out of my purse before we left my place. The new iPod remained safely on my desk. I almost even left my wallet at home. But yeah.

So what now?
It's time for an upgrade.

I picked up a cheap phone as a replacement today but plan to exchange it for something better when I head to Portland in a couple weeks.
I mean really. If I get stuff taken from me that I like, am I really going to replace it with things that are less worthy? Yes, I realize it's just "stuff" but whatever.

I've been due for upgrades on many levels for quite some time.
And now I'm cashing in.

There are times in our lives when we deal with things in certain ways because we're just used to dealing with them. But as we change, grow, improve... those old things are no longer needed.

And that's where I am now.
I'm done.
It's now time for newer and better.

Fills My Heart!

Cutest picture ever of Watson and his Auntie Maren!

Old Friends. Good Times.

This past weekend I had a few visitors in town!
Saturday night I met up with my sweet and beautiful friend, Molly Lynn. I haven't seen her in six years!
I know Molly through my sorority, Chi Omega.

[She's my "Grand Lil' One" if you speak Greek.]
We watched Marlowe's Edward II at Julliard, where her brother's finishing up school. It was such fun!

Then I headed down to SoHo to hang out with Edmond and his wife, Amy.
They were up from DC to visit Amy's brother, Michael.

I've known Edmond since fifth grade. Every time we're together we re-tell the story about the time I told Ms. Williams that Edmond was cheating on his spelling test. Ed ran down to the boys' room and tried to hide by crouching on a toilet.
Personally, my favorite story from grade school involves my catching him groovin' to New Kids on the Block on our school trip to New York. For some reason, Edmond forgives me for all the annoyance I caused him then. We were the best of friends in middle school and high school. I love that guy. And when I met Amy a few years ago we hit it off immediately. She's perfect! The two of them together: amazing.
I haven't seen them since their wedding last summer, so it was SO GREAT hanging with them last weekend.

And more good stuff to report.
Guess who got her new fancy little iPod?

Progress

Today I mourn something I never had

The beauty of reality
refreshing

I embrace myself
allowing my inner thoughts to weave

My love for a new life ahead
clears away the chaos from my past
and leaves idealized hearts alone

Finally

I refuse a falsified version
of a nonexistent present

Years and years of old habit
now sit to the side
no longer needed

Pandora's Box wide open
ready to be analyzed
organized

I've paralyzed my heart no more
Forgiven myself for taking so long
And now open for a newer version
of something equally as beautiful

Why I Love TV

I can only hope that someday I will produce something as good as this.

Reflective Valentine

A Valentine story.

A few years ago my then-boyfriend and I went out to a fancy Japanese restaurant to celebrate our annual Cupid Crisis. He was broke and a loser and I paid.
We went home and I gave him these cute presents I'd spent weeks finding. He was essentially unimpressed.
I woke up the next morning with the worst food poisoning I've ever had. It lasted for two days.

What's the deal with Valentine's Day?

My family loves it; boyfriends suck at it.


I loved Valentine's Day in high school. Every year I would sell something for a student government fundraiser. That way I could be out of class all day and spend my time delivering flowers and candy-grams.
Candy-grams.
Do people do those anymore?

My friends and I still get into Singles Awareness Day. We send each other cute valentines and comfort those who are longing for lovers.
It's a day for me to hug people without them thinking I'm silly.
It was apparently my grandmother's favorite "holiday." My mom has always been really into it. This year both my mom and my brother sent me valentine presents!

I did a few things yesterday, but I finished off the day by spending it with two of my roommates,
Anjali and Paola

We went to a restaurant down the street and were welcomed by a surly woman who told us 'no, we couldn't get the window seat we'd reserved' and that due to an electrical problem, they weren't able to make many items on the menu.
Nice.

It was a good time, though. And no food poisoning to report this morning.

Some Snow

Working with meteorologists has taught me well.

There have been a few times when I've been called in the middle of the night to rush in for an "unexpected" storm. I would then spend the next few days at the station and would sleep a few hours at the hotel nearby.
And then there are the moments when I would have to work on the weekend for an "expected" accumulation but little happens.

So when I heard we were expecting a foot of snow here, I doubted it would really happen.

And I was right! Instead we received TWO feet of snow!
Okay, granted. I was expecting a flurry. But the fact remains I was still correct.

Saturday night the snow began to fall. About six inches had fallen onto cars by the time we came home -- enough to throw snowballs at each other.

And then, my recent bout of insomnia helped me awake at 7:30 to realize that I was in a beautiful winter wonderland.
The streets were quiet except for the electronic snow blowers and the occasional person walking a dog and those who went to church.



Today the streets and sidewalks were clear, but it made for some huge snowbanks on the side of the road. Check that out! Granted, the guy in this picture isn't that tall, but c'mon! Is that crazy or what?



I imagine cars will be stuck in their places for days!











The school - although beautiful in any season - wears snow well too.












But this is the cutest thing of all that I saw on my walk home. This little girl, who couldn't be more than two-and-a-half, was absolutely fascinated by this friend-sized snowman. It made my day.

A Shout Out

Sometimes I want to gather all my friends in a room, look at all of them, and just sit in wonderment over how lucky I am.

I don't mean to bust on your friends, but I think my friends are cooler than anyone else's.

And I don't mean to name-drop, but my very first friend, Cathy, is still one of the most important people to me today. She was born three months after I was and lived seven houses down from me. So we were basically raised as sisters.
Now how many people are still best friends with their first friends? And how many actually know who their first friend was?

Exactly.

And the rest of my childhood friends still bless me with their presence and give me continual love and support. See how lucky I am?

When I moved to Portland, I somehow ended up in a time when all the stars were perfectly aligned in my favor. I met so many people who qualify in different ways as a perfect friend. While the love from Kelly and Ansley continues to take many forms, you can be most grateful that they convinced me to try on the Long and Lean jeans from The Gap. What a joyous day for my booty...
And my friend, Tracey, kept me from walking out of my job and now keeps me from walking home from the airport.

Although many of my friends are still in Portland, most of my P-Town loves have left. [I guess chances are that you're one of them.] Even though I've left too, I still feel as if my connection is just as strong now as it was when I lived there. In some cases, the distance has allowed my friendships to grow stronger.

I'm one of the lucky ones. My friends from my whole life are now in so many places all over the world and yet they still keep in touch with me. Blogs, emails, and cell phones have helped me keep this huge, loving circle of support. Somehow I keep meeting and collecting more and more wonderful people. And as a bonus, I also get to be friends with everyone in my family.
Sometimes I fear I'll max out. Can anyone really be as lucky as I to have so many friends?

I've been so blessed with a wonderful life and with so many incredible people who have explored parts of my journey with me. There are vivid moments I can see in my memory that ring true the words my mother has repeated since I was very little: friends last longer than boyfriends.
I've had friends hold my hand through times when I thought I couldn't go on. I've had friends who wouldn't leave me alone when I thought it would be best for me. I even have one friend who saved my life.

So thank YOU for helping keep me sane (a challenge the gods are still trying to figure out) and for listening to me even when I have no idea what I'm talking about (which tends to be most of the time). I have no idea where I'd be without any and every one of you.

Sometimes when I think of all the blessings in my life I feel as if I'm secretly God's favorite.

Shameless Promotions

My friend, Emily, has put up one of the best blog posts I've seen yet. It's a beautiful stream of wishes contributed by random guests. So please check it out and post your anonymous wish here into the Wishing Well.

Remember that obnoxious thing I did a couple years ago? That thing called a marathon? That thing many of you helped me with by donating lots of money for cancer research?
Well... it will be some time until I run my next one, but I have been able to somehow coerce my dear Maren to run her first half-marathon with Team In Training!
Sucker!
In her first week of training she managed to trip during a training run, head to the E.R., and get nine stitches on her knee. So she needs some support to get her to the finish line.
She's raising money for the same group I ran for: The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (blood cancers).
Please log onto Maren's website and donate at least $10 to the cause. Your tax deductible gift will not only help get her to the finish line but it will also help with much-needed cancer research.
Besides, the closer we get her to her fundraising goal the less likely she will feel the urge to move out of my house and leave Bonnie, Watson, and Romeo as revenge for my convincing her to do this whole race. Please help!

Let's Try This Again

I just deleted my other post for today. Sorry. I'm cutting and pasting part of it here, though.

The past two or three days I've been in a crappy mood. But my support group rushed in to help me get back on track. I have no idea what I'd do without all you guys in my life. Really. You make my ups and downs worth experiencing.

So here's my new post.
With exciting news...

I have changed my thesis topic AGAIN.
That's right! AGAIN!!!
These past few weeks I've been struggling with my other topic. Last night I decided to throw in the towel and come up with a new pitch for a story I really wanted to do.
This time I'm excited about my topic! Know why? Because I'm going to do it on singles in the LDS Church. My advisor likes the idea too!

Ah. Loveliness.

I wish I could always work on things I loved or ideas I thought were exciting. Wouldn't that be ideal?

Other things that have been going on (with the recommended revisions made by my dear friend, Ansley)...

I've been having my re-occurring nightmare. Typically I only have it once or twice a year. But I've now had it twice in the last week. It's not a scary nightmare, but it's emotionally draining. I don't know how you are with these nightmares, but for me it takes every ounce of energy and focus out of my body. And the sad part is, I really don't want this dream to ever go away because it's the only time I get to see my father.

I've been investing in a friendship with a guy... and I feel as if I'm acting 12. I think that's all I feel like saying about that.

One of my professors has been hitting on me. He's creepy. Very creepy. He's only teaching us a six week course, so he only has a few more classes with us.
His annoying actions have been going on for a little more than a week. At first I didn't know what to think about it. I was wondering what I was doing to bring it on. But yesterday I learned that at least three other women in my class were being hit on by him too!
So... I marched upstairs and told the dean. I know. The high school student-body president/all-around success and goody-goody in me kicked in. The dean was grossed out and grateful.
I mean really. We're adults. If I were interested in him, I might not mind... after my grade was turned in. Knowing that other women have been dealing with the same thing makes me feel so much better in a way.

I have been making more friends! My big goal for the year was to make new friends and so far I've had some great success! This is the best thing so far. I'm still taking applications for more boys in my life so feel free to send any my way. My program of 27 people has 6 men in it. And I go to church with single Mormons, so by default I know probably only 6 more.

My career services people are trying to help find me a job. The possibility of my staying here is looking high. But that's only if I get a job. I think I would like to stay until I get the city out of my system. I feel the same way about working in television.
Today I met with a vice-president from an organization I'd like to work with. And then I found out the salary (yikes) without benefits (ack! run!). So... yeah. We'll see what happens when May comes.

I've been "running" again. I'm procrastinating a lot by blogging, emailing, and looking up iTunes. And that's about it.

So that's my update.

Ansley, did I do well on my revisions? :)

Boys are Stinky

I've had a few boyfriends in my lifetime. They've all been good learning experiences. In some cases, I've even ended up making friends out of them.

And then I went into retirement. I took a loooong vacation from boys, men, and boyish men.

Why is it that once I finally come out of hibernation I realize that going back inside my cave is probably best?

My stepdad once told me, "When it comes to women, all men are 13 year old boys."
He was in his 60s at the time. I think he was right.

But sometimes women are silly too.

What I Want

I'm an indecisive person.

In fact, when I was recently asked if I were indecisive I answered, "ummm... gosh, I don't know."

I've been thinking about what I want out of life for a long, long time. I always wanted kids but until a few years ago was uncertain about a husband. I want to have a great career, but for the past three years I've been in a serious "what's next" mode. So now I think I'm ready to write down what I want and to tell you as my witness.

I want a family.
For several years, I've lived my life kinda' like a Duncan Hines chocolate cake: all the necessities are there and you just need to add eggs and water. Except in my situation, I've had everything and just needed to add the family. I have the house(s), the family-friendly pets, the solid career, the investments, and even money tucked away for a child's future college fund.
Some people call that success.
I call it surviving.

My mother helped me realize this a couple years ago when I confessed my overly-financially-invested lifestyle. She called me "un-American" for not borrowing enough money... and she told me to stop living my life as if I were married with children.
I realized she was right.
I'd so badly wanted the life my brother had that I'd falsified my own living situation. The reality was that I was single and that it was time I started allowing myself to live that way. My only problem was that I'd become so successful at being single that I avoided allowing romance and love into my life.

I want to live a life I love.
Sometimes I feel as if I live my life to impress myself. Or I feel as if I live so other people will like me. Or I live my life to impress God. Or I live in a way to avoid feeling guilty later.
I suppose we all do that to some degree. But what I tend to forget is how I truly want to live my life: I want to live a life full of joy.

It took me 12 years to join the Mormon church. Twelve.
[I told you I was indecisive.]
After joining the church I began to struggle. I had such a hard time identifying myself as a "Mormon." I had inner conflict about what I "should" do versus what I "wanted" to do. I felt as if I had a constant identity crisis.
So I stopped going to church.
And I struggled there too.
I decided to start going back to church three-and-a-half years ago. I was still wary of whether I would fit in. I'm a feminist and a liberal and somehow that indicates a lifelong struggle with some church teachings.
But a scripture from the Book of Mormon somehow helps me find a constant dose of solace.

"Adam fell that men might be; and men are, that they might have joy." 2Nephi 2:25

JOY! Yes! That was it! I was missing the point! God wanted me to have JOY! It seems so obvious! And I think that's what I want too! So why is it so hard to realize it?

And now, how do I go about getting this joy? By defining "what I want" and telling my friends? If I'm supposed to have joy then why do I keep struggling with my dreams, my love life and my church? Have I become so adjusted to a life without pure joy that I fear it?
Thus...

I want to stop fearing joy.
I want to be able to love a man fully even though I know he might not love me back. I want to allow myself to take more risks and invest more in all of my relationships. I want to choose a career because I will love it... and in that choice, I want to know that I will likely be successful and that that's okay. I want to have children even though I'm scared that I won't give them a life of perfection. I want to stop living a life guided by guilt or fear and start living a life filled with love and hope. I want to find someone who will share a life with me and I want to be able to not be scared when he shows interest. I want to embrace my talents, realize the potential for success, and not be afraid of achieving greatness. I want to allow myself to be loved by a good man. I want to finally figure out what my heart absolutely desires and not only be afraid of failing... I want to stop being afraid of succeeding.
I want to realize what I truly desire and not be scared anymore.
And I want to start truly wanting it.

Ironies and Rhetoric

Why is it every time I run into my hot neighbor it's when I'm in my pajamas and on my way to do laundry?

The only time I've been given extensions on my papers is right after I've completed my projects.

How come the only time I really want to get home quickly is when the subway takes forever to show up?

My annoying boss was canned just after I left the station.

The men who send me love notes are strangers who've found me online.

Why is the only man who's showing interest in me at school one of my professors?

I found a pair of those coveted brown boots -- half a size too small.

My best hair days tend only to occur when I need to work from home.

How come I turn stupid when I meet a man I could be into?

That phone call I've been waiting for all week finally came when I couldn't answer.

My classmates have asked me if I wear Mormon underwear but it somehow seems inappropriate for me to ask what they're wearing.