As a kid, I went by Tammy. In the fifth grade my girlfriends and I experimented with the spelling of our names, and I believe I went by "Tami" for about six months.
All my friends from childhood to high school still call me Tammy. When some of them try to call me "Tamara"... it just sounds weird.
My dad always called me Tam.
Some people called me Tam-Tam, Tammy D, or just "Duricka."
I started going by Tamara in college. I thought it sounded pretty and "mature." I like it.
There was a long period of time when I thought I would never give up my last name when I married. I actually had a bit of a squabble with Corey over the whole name-change thing a few months back.
He asked, "What would your kids call you??!"
"Uh.. MOM?"
Now I've come up with a bit of a compromise... two last names, no hyphen. So I can go by Duricka when I feel like it or SmithAndWessonOrWhatever in the other moments. Or just swipe out my last name altogether. I dunno. I guess we'll see what kind of name I'm offered.
I will say that people in New York still don't know how to pronounce my first name. So I'm still using a tactic that my friend Kiki imposed upon me in Portland. Quite simply, when ordering something at Starbucks, give them a fake name that's easy to pronounce. I think the same should go for those moments when you're being hit on by creepy guys.
I use my middle name, Jane, as the pseudonym.
It was fabulous today when I was in Starbucks, with creepy guy oogling next to me, and the woman at the counter offered me the orange creme frap (turns out, not the greatest). She asked with a big smile, "Are you JANE?"
Am I?
I think we all get to a point where we really begin to identify with our names... when we really begin to own ourselves. For me, I don't really care about my name anymore.
I just care about whether I can identify with my own soul.
JULIET:
'Tis but thy name that is my enemy.
Thou art thyself, though not a Montague.
What's Montague? It is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face. O, be some other name
Belonging to a man.
What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other word would smell as sweet.
So Romeo would, were he not Romeo called,
Retain that dear perfection which he owes
Without that title. Romeo, doff thy name;
And for thy name, which is no part of thee,
Take all myself.